Lords of Fun

Dedicated to Jane Austen: I had to read you in high school.

“I see ,” said the blind man
As he picked up his hammer and saw.

“I hear,” said the deaf woman
As she gathered her flock and herd.

“I feel,” said the numb man
As he gathered his cloth and felt.

“I smell,” said the noseless woman
As she gathered her cod and smelt.

“I taste,” said the bland man
As he pulled out his weapon and tazed Ted.

- Paul De Lancey, First Lord of Fun
Please visit his website at www.lordsoffun.com

My wife’s cyber fish cannot die.
I do not feed them. It’s no lie.
Don’t remove algae, Don’t try.

Facebook’s Haapy Aquarium
Will let its fishes  so get glum
But they don’t die, oh no, dear chum.

Last year, I flushed a cyber fish
Dead down the toilet, with a whish.
Since then the cyber freaks live, o pish!

Each night cyber fish taunt me.
“We will always live, you see.
“But you’ll die , ha ha, hee hee.”

- Paul De Lancey, First Lord of Fun
Please visit his website at www.lordsoffun.com

Oh wondrous hot dog,
You the subject of my blog,
Are much tastier than a frog.
You leave me quite agog.

More American than a filibuster,
You’re, yummy, yummy when with mustard.
You cure our bunions
With your onions.

You delight the throngs
With your foot longs.
You’re good to bite
Throughout the night.

Snuggled safely in the bun,
The wiener is eaten on the run.
You symbol of wholesomeness,
At our meals, you we do bless.

I can’t go on.
I’m hungry.

Paul De Lancey, First Lord of Fun
Please visit my website at www.lordsoffun.com

NASA says there going to look
For things they’ve never found.
How they know to what to look for
If they have never found them.

Winnie the Pooh looked for Heffalumps
I’ll bet he never found them.
For either they don’t exist or
Pooh didn’t know what to look for.

Recently, I lost my set of keys.
Oh, I was indeed a time of anguish.
But I found them in time, for you see
I knew what to look for.

So NASA, just look for stars
You know exactly what they are
And so, I know you’ll find them.
OK, live large. Look for planets, too.

- Paul De Lancey, First Lord of Fun
Please visit my website at www.lordsoffun.com

For the first time my son, Matthew
rode beside me as I drove.
It was the first time he was
old enough to ride in the front.

It was strange.
I was glad to have him beside me.
I was proud, too.
But how did he grow up so fast?

He will no doubt
Continue to sprout.
But not without
Me watching throughout

Happy birthday, Matthew!

- Paul De Lancey, First Lord of Fun
Please visit my website at www.lordsoffun.com

The saddest words in Tierra del Fuego
are: There are no more Eggos.
On November eighteen-o
The Eggo factory was flooded-o.

Not even if you got in your Winnebago
And drove from here to great Ohio
And even stopped in far-off Reno.
You’d find no stores carrying Eggo.

No Eggos! No Eggos!
Not even for those with lumbago.
So dry out soon, factory of wondrous dough.
We’ll have syrup ready for our blessed Eggo.

- Paul De Lancey, First Lord of Fun
Please visit my website at www.lordsoffun.com

Manana.

- Paul De Lancey, First Lord of Fun
Please visit my website at www.lordsoffun.com

Where did I put my car keys?
Where?
Where?
Oh gosh, where?

- Paul De Lancey, First Lord of Fun
Please visit my website at www.lordsoffun.com

I shall be defending my poetry title in February at the Writers’ Conference in San Diego. My winning poem from last year was called “Regret” and was about penguins.

- Paul De Lancey, First Lord of Fun
Please visit my website at www.lordsoffun.com

Baseball in November!
Baseball in November!
What has this world come to?
Baseball in November!

Is baseball in December next?
What about January? February?
How will they find the baseball
Among the piles of snow?

Groundballs will become impossible.
Flyballs will be lost in the white, white blizzard.
So will any ball landing in the white snow drifts.
Everything will become an inside-the-park homer.

And what about all those other sports played in winter?
Like football, hockey, basketball, curling, and more.
What activity won’t be competing with winter baseball?
Celebrity tiddlywinks, perhaps.

- Paul De Lancey, First Lord of Fun
Please visit my website at www.lordsoffun.com