I heard on the radio about an advance in agriculture that was sweeping the nation. It was called crop rotation. Isn’t that 4,000 years old?
- Paul De Lancey, First Lord of Fun
Please visit my website at www.lordsoffun.com
Today, I had enough time to take a hot, relaxing bath. I had two choices of gels, yuan zhi and suma ginseng. I chose ginseng. What would you have done?
- Paul De Lancey, First Lord of Fun
Please visit my website at www.lordsoffun.com
I am a bad Gateway
I have been getting blog.commed lately. Every time I tried to log on to blog.com to update my blog which provides untold hope to millions around the globe, blog.com presented me with the following message:
502 Bad Gateway
Is “Bad Gateway” the same as “Bad Dog?” How did my Gateway go bad? Did it fall in with a bad crowd? Experiment with drugs? Would my 501 Gateway have done better? Do I even get a choice of Gateways? Is this like the eternal question, “Does God give us free will?”
Anyway, I am quite glad that voting in Afghanistan came off during my blog’s absence.
- Paul De Lancey, First Lord of Fun
Please visit my website at www.lordsoffun.com
The waves roll in.Watching waves at the beach
Bring calm to the soul
So does the browning of
A sliced-open peach.
You say soothing.
I say boring.
Let’s keep our aplombo.
Friend, it’s a combo.
Sand gets everywhere.
Sand gets everywhere.
Sand gets everywhere.
Sand gets everywhere.
My kids love the wet ocean.
They could spend their lives in it.
Maybe we did descend from
Cells the size of spit.
Paul R. De Lancey, First Lord of Fun
Visit his website at www.lordsoffun.com
Beaches are sandy. The water by the beach is wet and cold. Just thought you should know.
- Paul De Lancey, First Lord of Fun
Visit his website at www.lordsoffun.com
A top Iranian leader, what’s his name, just announced that the Most Evil Country In the World is–Great Britain. Woo hoo! We’re moving up in the eyes of those wacky zealots. I remember decades ago when Iranians called America the Great Satan. I thought we’d never lose our number-one bad guy ranking. But we have.
I’m so proud. I just hope that What’s his name did not make his pronouncement while in the throes of wild abandon.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to open up a cold bottle of root beer to celebrate.
- Paul R. De Lancey, First Lord of Fun
Visit his website at
How did we all learn to cuss before Microsoft Vista and jamming printers?
- Paul De Lancey, First Lord of Fun
Nuclear war and global economic depression, although arguably bad, do not scare me. I live with it. They are always there but in the background. Out of sight, out of mind. The following things do concern me greatly and fill me with dread.
1) School parking lots just before and after school. Demolition derby, anyone.
2) Mushrooms. Why were they created?
3) Departments of Motor Vehicles.
4) The Stamp Act of 1775. I’m gradually getting over this one.
5) Simultaneous scheduling of kids’ baseball games.
6) Tic-tac-toe when played against professionals.
7) The lines for food in the bleachers of any Major League Baseball team.
9) The number 172,897. Don’t know why.
10) The uneasy feeling that the treaty of Westphalia in 1648, the one that ended the Thirty Years War, will somehow lead to our government banning tacos and root beer.
11) I will have to take a test tomorrow morning in econometrics and I have not looked at the course’s text book in over two decades.
12) I will somehow be out in public wearing plaid pajamas.
13) Public restrooms without toilet paper.
- Paul De Lancey, First Lord of Fun
www.lordsoffun.com
You might be wondering how a day celebrating and encouraging people to punch other people in the nose came about. It doesn’t sound very nice. However, it serves two useful purposes.
First, it makes people really appreciate yesterday’s World Peace and Kindness Day. Second, it is a tentative step to world peace. If we can just get people to hit each other in the nose instead of shooting each other with AK-47s, wouldn’t the world be a better place?
Wouldn’t this Day and philosophy be a boon to the suffering folks of war-torn Afghanistan?
- Paul R. De Lancey, First Lord of Fun
Visit his website at www.lordsoffun.com
The next time you admire someone’s butt, or just plain see one, reflect that that butt was once a baby’s bottom. With poop on it. And then a rash. Then the baby screamed and screamed. The parents got no sleep. They went to work cranky.
This is where the miracle of diaper-rash cream comes in. Parents go to the store after work and buys that miraculous balm. Rush home. Apply it to their little cherub’s tushie. Their baby stops cries and they get a good night’s sleep. They awake next morning with enough sleep to avoid committing vehicular manslaughter or going on an axe-murdering rampage. Thank goodness.
So, raise a frosty mug of root beer and toast the makers of diaper rash cream. Even better, leave a carton of the cream on your neighbors’ doorstep; you know the ones with the crying baby. Your neighborhood doesn’t need any more axe murderers.
Send diaper-rash cream to Afghanistan. I think the Taliban might need some.
- Paul De Lancey, First Lord of Fun
Visit his website at www.lordsoffun.com
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