While walking the streets of the fair city of Cambridge, MA, I saw an advertisement on the side of a car for a book. The advertisement went something like this: “Fascinating, A Real Page Turner. Or So It Seems.“ This seemed an excessively modest claim by a publisher trying to push a book. Or maybe they should change the title to, Yes, It Is.
- Paul De Lancey, First Lord of Fun
Please visit my website at www.lordsoffun.com
I am visiting my brother and his family in Cambridge, MA. While enjoying the sights of this fair city, I took a constitutional to Good News Garage, the garage for the wildly successful show, Car Talk. However, Click and Clack were not there. It’s akin to climbing the highest peak in Tibet to seek the advice of the Dalai Lama and finding he’s in India.
- Paul De Lancey, First Lord of Fun
Please visit my website at www.lordsoffun.com
Two days I told my brother in Cambridge that I would be arriving in his fair city on Tuesday the 28th. He said his calendar had the 28th falling on a Monday. I checked my calendar and was able to tell him that the 28th is a Monday for San Diego as well.
- Paul De Lancey, First Lord of Fun
Please visit his website at www.lordsoffun.com
Despite living in my fair city, Poway, the jewel of the Southwest, My Yahoo gives me the current weather and forecasts of Sunnyvale, CA. Sunnyvale is near San Francisco while I live near Mexico. So, the weather report for Sunnyvale is of limited use to me.
On the other hand, I can always look out the window–One moment as I open the blinds–and see that Poway is sunny. Even if I owned a powerful telescope I could never see the weather in Sunnyvale. (Another proof that the world is curved.) So, I guess they are doing me a favor. But why Sunnyvale? Why not Cambridge where my brother lives? Why not Alaska? I might want to vacation there.
Obviously the good folks at Yahoo know something about Sunnyvale that I don’t. If you don’t hear from me in a while, you’ll know where I’ll be. And you’ll be wishing you were there too.
- Paul De Lancey, First Lord of Fun
Please visit his informative website at www.lordsoffun.com
There are two reasons we are having trouble imposing a military solution in Afghanistan. First, many Afghans fight us simply because are foreigners who are there. Second, Afghanistan is so far from America. Sheer distance limits our ability to project enough military power to that remote region. How do we solve those problems?
Simple. We annex Afghanistan. That makes all the Afghans Americans. Our troops in Afghanistan will no longer be foreigners. People there will not fight against their fellow countrymen. Resistance will evaporate. We will be able to put up Taco Bells and McDonald’s in every Afghan town in no time. Won’ t those Afghans appreciate McFlurrys? You betcha.
But won’t the world denounce such imperialism? Won’t some countries with millions of troops and thousands of nuclear weapons go to war with us over this? Oh, possibly. That’s why my plan requires a second step.
We trade one of our states for Afghanistan. Since the Democrats currently control the country, might I suggest trading Texas for Afghanistan. The Afghan Taliban would be transported to Texas, giving the Lone Star State an ethnic, linguistic, and religious diversity that has been lacking. As for the Texans who might not cotton to Taliban rule, they could move to Afghanistan. And if the Republicans take power before the politicos in America see the strengths of my plan, they could trade Massachusetts to the Taliban.
Here’s the really brilliant part of my scheme. Suppose, just suppose, the good citizens of Boston and Cambridge don’t really appreciate Taliban government. We could easily just invade Taliban Massachusetts as our troops would have massed in adjacent Connecticut, New Hampshire, New York, Vermont, and Rhode Island. I believe the good ex-Americans of Massachusetts would readily point out the Taliban strongholds to our troops. Victory would be swift and assured.
Certainly there would be some collateral damage in an invasion of Massachusetts. It might take a while to rebuild if the Big Dig is a good example. But it would get done. And we would still have McFlurrys in Afghanistan.
It is all so simple. I wonder why no one else has thought of this.
- Paul De Lancey, First Lord of Fun
Visit his website at www.lordsoffun.com
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