Lords of Fun

- Paul De Lancey, First Lord of Fun
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1) School parking lots just before and after school. Demolition derby, anyone.
2) Mushrooms. Why were they created?
3) Departments of Motor Vehicles.
4) The Stamp Act of 1775. I’m gradually getting over this one.
5) Simultaneous scheduling of kids’ baseball games.
6) Tic-tac-toe when played against professionals.
7) The lines for food in the bleachers of any Major League Baseball team.
Teeth retainers. Not as bad as braces, but they still enter my dreams.
9) The number 172,897. Don’t know why.
10) The uneasy feeling that the treaty of Westphalia in 1648, the one that ended the Thirty Years War, will somehow lead to our government banning tacos and root beer.
11) I will have to take a test tomorrow morning in econometrics and I have not looked at the course’s text book in over two decades.
12) I will somehow be out in public wearing plaid pajamas.
13) Public restrooms without toilet paper.

- Paul De Lancey, First Lord of Fun
www.lordsoffun.com

Until they get paid
Then they can frown
And take steroids
Until their organs fail.

- Paul De Lancey, First Lord of Fun
visit his website at www.lordsoffun.com

But I didn’t fly.
I just crumpled the sheets.
And in the morning.
I made the bed.

So my dream of flying
Remained a dream.
Just like the one
Of playing pro baseball.

In college I learned
about Bernoulli’s Principle
I had neither the wing shape
Nor the speed to fly.

We don’t fly blimps.
Because about seventy years ago
They burst into flames.
And that was that.

Then terrorists blew up planes.
Killing many.
We’re stopping them
By taking off our shoes.

Now Biden warns his family not to fly.
Now, I’ll never meet him.
And I missed eating lunch in Plains, Georgia
with Pres. Carter by one hour.

So, if you see me running
Really fast without
Going anywhere.
I’m just trying to fly.

- Paul De Lancey, First Lord of Fun
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visit his website at www.lordsoffun.com

I think it’s safe to say that the world’s population would be less than six billion. Oh sure, there are millions of couples that would gladly exchange the cost and the horror of a visit to the dentist in exchange for a gurgling bundle of joy? But what if conception via teeth cleaning were not certain? What if you had to undergo, on average, two-hundred teeth cleanings, two tooth pullings, and eight root canals per baby born?

I think the human race would have died out by now. And let’s not forget that we didn’t have dentists, oh, until 100 A.D..  Humanity would never have gotten started. The first human, Lucy of 1823 Oldivai Gorge Road, would have never have found a dentist and so would never have had any offspring. No offspring from Lucy, no human race, no Poway, no baseball, no root beer.

This is all too horrible to contemplate. We should all get down on our knees and give thanks that this scenario never happened.

- Paul De Lancey, First Lord of Fun
visit his website at www.lordsoffun.com