Do traffic impeders infest your county? Those little bugs in yellow jackets who strew orange cones all over the roads turning your must-use street into a one-lane bumper-to-bumper nightmare straight from Dante’s Inferno.
Did these yellow-clad bugs emerge because America needs workers to strew orange cones all over our thoroughfares? Or did road-construction workers grow the American economy support their addictive need to scatter oranges over perfectly good asphalt?
It’s a bit of a chicken-and egg question, isn’t it? What is clear is that they strew cones all over the place even when they aren’t working on a section of a road and that continental drift is visibly faster than these workers.
What can we do to prevent their eternal ripping up and constricting of our streets? And my gosh, there are so many of them.
In a unrelated question, many concern themselves with tides of illegal aliens over our southern border. How might we stem this flow? How might we protect our troops in Afghanistan from attacks from vicious foes? With our strained budget and over-deployed armed forces, how might we find the vast hordes needed to solve these problems?
Many of you are no doubt way ahead of me. If we so chose, we could stop the flow of illegals across the Mexican border by simply redeploying our legions of roadway-constructions workers to the Mexican border. Let these fine folks rip up the landscape and strew orange cones to their hearts content. We’ve seen how gosh, darn effective they can be choking off movement in our neighborhoods. They will do the same at the border.
Then deploy the traffic impeders to Afghanistan. We’ve seen in our own neighborhoods how our lanes constricted by orange cones have become more dangerous. Give the impeders free reign to deploy as many cones as they want, whenever they want. We’ll soon have those suicide bombers crashing into each other.
Whom do you fear more, an American soldier or the threat that roadway workers will tear up your road and scatter yellow cones all over the place making the simplest left-hand turn an adventure you’ll long relate to your grandkids?
- Paul De Lancey, of The Lords of Fun
visit Paul’s website at www.lordsoffun.com
While clearly disappointed that I didn’t win the Nobel Peace Prize, I am proud that a fellow American, President Obama won it. It’s true that he hasn’t brought about world peace, but who has? The prize is awarded for effort, witness the prizes won by President Carter, Begin, and Sadat.
