Lords of Fun

A dentist who moonlights as a terrorist would have to be the scariest person alive.

- Paul De Lancey, First Lord of Fun
Please visit his drill-free website at www.lordsoffun.com

Oh orange juice! Oh orange juice!
Invented in Scotland by Robert Bruce
The man who killed a moose
On the loose in a sluice.

Oh orange juice! Oh orange juice!
You are full of good vitamins
But not of brain-hurting tin
You keep us from the ways of sin.

Oh orange juice! Oh orange juice!
You are oh so drinkabuce
Not like that icky tomato juice.
I’ll give that stuff to Robert Bruce.

- Paul De Lancey, First Lord of Fun
Please visit my website at www.lordsoffun.com

Oh printer! Oh printer!
You putrid pile of pig poop.
You use up ink. You jam.
You send us into fits.

All I want from a printer is for it to:
Work.
Work.
Work.

Yet it jams until eternity.
The only time it prints is
To spew out that test page.
And that uses up my ink cartridge.

I grow poor buying ink
While the printer’s makers
Earn enough to appear
On American Greed.

May producer of computer printers
Be sentenced to sixty years of hard labor
Or be eaten by Tyrannosaurus Rex.
I’m reasonable; either will  do.

- Paul De Lancey, First Lord of Fun
Please visit my website at www.lordsoffun.com