Lords of Fun

The saddest words in Tierra del Fuego
are: There are no more Eggos.
On November eighteen-o
The Eggo factory was flooded-o.

Not even if you got in your Winnebago
And drove from here to great Ohio
And even stopped in far-off Reno.
You’d find no stores carrying Eggo.

No Eggos! No Eggos!
Not even for those with lumbago.
So dry out soon, factory of wondrous dough.
We’ll have syrup ready for our blessed Eggo.

- Paul De Lancey, First Lord of Fun
Please visit my website at www.lordsoffun.com

Many people assume that San Diego has only one season. Nothing could be further from the truth. Right now, we are in the throes of the long-sleeves season. You can bet we eagerly await the return of the short-sleeves season. Until then, we shall face this dire situation with our usual courage and fortitude.

- Paul De Lancey, First Lord of Fun
Please visit his website at www.lordsoffun.com

Here is another reason to call Fox to ask them to dump Glen Beck in favor of me. I Googled “Glen Beck” and “idiot,” and got over ten, perhaps hundreds, of pages, with links to those criteria. In the interests of total fairness, the hallmark of the Fox network, I Googled “Paul De Lancey” and “idiot.” Nothing came up! Please tell Fox this. I’m sure they would not want someone representing them who is a known idiot.

- Paul De Lancey, First Lord of Fun
Please visit my website at www.lordsoffun.com

Manana.

- Paul De Lancey, First Lord of Fun
Please visit my website at www.lordsoffun.com

The paragraph below is a guest blog from Howard Metzenberg, world shaker and fellow Ph.D. in economics from the University of Wisconsin.

“I remember that you use to receive magazines you subscribe to, and you would go through them pulling out the blow-in cards and tearing out the annoying advertisements that are bound in on card-stock paper. I picked up that habit from you, and I have been doing it ever since graduate school, and I’ve taught this habit to several other people. Those are the most expensive advertising pieces in magazines. Between us, we are partly responsible for the death of journalism.”

Paul De Lancey, Lazy First Lord of Fun
Please summon up energy to visit my website at www.lordsoffun.com

I’d appreciate suggestions for the title of my new novel.

I just finished the rough draft. Here’s the idea. Salah and Nar are terrorists who sell Tupperware. Sam Mollusk is a spreadsheeter who makes the world better by offing annoying people. Can they stop Al Qaeda from blowing up the Alaska Pipeline and Santa Claus from nuking the naughty people of the world?

- Paul De Lancey, First Lord of Fun
Please visit my non-violent website at www.lordsoffun.com

Yo, Glen Beck, the hand writing is on the wall. Retire with dignity. Fox is hiring the funny left. Did you see Wanda Sykes’ first show?  Hand the batton over to me, your anointed and funny successor. Legions of television fans demand it.

- Paul De Lancey, First Lord of Fun
Please visit my website at www.lordsoffun.com

Two more reasons for Fox to dump Glen Beck in favor of me.

1) My name doesn’t sound anything like a famous guitarist. People thinking of switching over to Fox want high-octane speeches not guitar riffs.

2) I know how to spell “anarchy.” On the first try.

Please call Fox and let them know you want this. Thanks, I will remember all of you when I get this position.

- Paul De Lancey, First Lord of Fun
Please visit my website at www.lordsoffun.com

At first, the claim that I am better than Glen Beck seems immodest. But consider the allegations that Beck mixes truth in with his fiction.  I however, am proud to say that I can write unadulterated fiction. Witness my novel The Fur West which chronicles a cat-herding drive of ten years and six-million cats during the Old West. If you’re going for true fiction, go with me.

- Paul De Lancey, First Lord of Fun
Please visit my website at www.lordsoffun.com

OK, I’m okay now about not getting Dobb’s job. I’m okay, really. It’s my fault. I waited too long; until he had quit. I won’t make that mistake again. This time, I’m going against an established figure. I’m gunning for Glen Beck’s job on Fox. Watch out, Glen!

- Paul De Lancey, First Lord of Fun
Please visit my website at www.lordsoffun.com