Eliminating the Federal Deficit
Everyone knows the Federal Deficit is huge, let’s say, nine trillion dollars. How can we raise that kind of money? Raise taxes? Not likely. Look for loose change under the sofa cushions at all the Federal Buildings. Perhaps, we could raise the odd billion that way, but we would still be way short.
I have the solution. America must annex all the other eight planets. For our purposes, we must consider Pluto a planet. Sure, all the other countries might consider that an act of aggression and imperialism. But what would they do about it? Would Greece go to war with us over Neptune? I doubt it.
We will auction off the naming rights to all the planets to major corporations in much the same way baseball teams auction the names to companies, e.g., Petco Park. A planet is much more prestigious than a ball park so its naming rights would cost a lot more.
How much more? A trillion dollars per planet, in fact. It would be nice if the initials of the sponsored planets remained the same so that our mnemonic devices would still hold. Be prepared to recite the following names:
McDonald’s
Viagra
Excedrin
Mars Bar
JV’s-a really good local, Mexican restaurant. I doubt, though, they have a trillion dollars
in their advertising budget.
Sears
Upjohn
Nabisco
Peter Pan
Paul De Lancey
Visit his website at www.lordsoffun.com
