I’ve hit twice as many home runs* this year as I did last year. Soon, I will pass Barry Bonds’ record. I’m only 763 home runs behind. And I have achieved my total without the use of steroids.
- Paul De Lancey, First Lord of Fun
Visit his website at www.lordsoffun.com
* = 2 * 0 = 0
The waves roll in.Watching waves at the beach
Bring calm to the soul
So does the browning of
A sliced-open peach.
You say soothing.
I say boring.
Let’s keep our aplombo.
Friend, it’s a combo.
Sand gets everywhere.
Sand gets everywhere.
Sand gets everywhere.
Sand gets everywhere.
My kids love the wet ocean.
They could spend their lives in it.
Maybe we did descend from
Cells the size of spit.
Paul R. De Lancey, First Lord of Fun
Visit his website at www.lordsoffun.com
North Korea, that wacky, wayward, Communist monarchy, just told Japan if they send another spy plane into North Korean airspace by even .001 mm, or millimeter, they will shoot it down. Maybe even lob the odd-nuclear missile into Japan.
North Korea did leave a little wiggle room, however. Japan’s next spy plane could violate North Korean airspace by .0005 mm without being shot down. Since there are 2,540 millimeters, .0005mm really isn’t much space. Here’s to Japan being really careful on its next spy flight
- Paul De Lancey, First Lord of Fun
Visit his website at www.lordsoffun.com
Beaches are sandy. The water by the beach is wet and cold. Just thought you should know.
- Paul De Lancey, First Lord of Fun
Visit his website at www.lordsoffun.com
Sorry, gentle readers but today’s blog has a bit more of an edge to it than usual. But is there anything more infuriating than a Hewlett Packard printer? And now a series of useless, whining questions.
1) How many thousands of hours did it take HP’s developers to produce a printer that jams more often than it works?
2) Is more expensive ink used to print out that test page after a jam than for legitimate printing?
3) Why is it PHYSICALLY IMPOSSIBLE to get a desired page printed after a jam without rebooting the computer?
4) Could President Obama rotate some of our brave soldiers out of Afghanistan and replace them with the people who make computer printers? Just asking.
- Paul De Lancey, First Lord of Fun
visit his website at www.lordsoffun.com
Napoleon and Hitler invaded RussiaDon’t worry.
Their invasions occurred
in 1812 and 1941.
Impetuous dictators
must wait another year
to invade Russia.
Exhale slowly,
Go outside,
And play Frisbee.
- Paul De Lancey, First Lord of Fun
Visit his website at www.lordsoffun.com
A top Iranian leader, what’s his name, just announced that the Most Evil Country In the World is–Great Britain. Woo hoo! We’re moving up in the eyes of those wacky zealots. I remember decades ago when Iranians called America the Great Satan. I thought we’d never lose our number-one bad guy ranking. But we have.
I’m so proud. I just hope that What’s his name did not make his pronouncement while in the throes of wild abandon.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to open up a cold bottle of root beer to celebrate.
- Paul R. De Lancey, First Lord of Fun
Visit his website at
Today is Poway’s 123rd annual Mung Bean Festival. Mung bean enthusiasts have been arriving all week from all the corners of the Earth in eager anticipation of this event. Be sure to arrive early to catch all the Mung bean games at the Community Center. Particular favorites are Mung bean spitting, Mung bean juggling, and Mung Bean eating. What fun!
And who can resist the elegant detail of all the Mung bean mosaics on display around City Hall? This year’s winner is a gift from China. With 5.73 million Mung beans, this 142 foot long mosaic depicting famous ping-pong matches is sure to delight all the members of your family for several seconds.
Don’t forget the crowning event, the evening’s Mung bean cook off featuring chefs from up to two nations. That’s where I’ll be, sipping my ice-cold Mung bean smoothie.
- Paul De Lancey, First Lord of Fun
Visit his website at www.lordsoffun.com
Baseball is such a source of inspiration. Even the worst Major League pitchers succeed .700 of the time.
- Paul De Lancey, First Lord of Fun
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Visit his website at www.lordsoffun.com
Today is the 194th anniversary of my great-great-great-grandfather’s defeat at the battle of Waterloo. If Napoleon had won that day, I would be fabulously rich and ruling some chunk, or chunks, of Europe. Just thinking of this alternate life depresses me. So, there won’t be a post today. Sorry.
- Paul De Lancey, First Lord of Fun and not Ruler of a Chunk of Europe
Visit his website at www.lordsoffun.com
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