Lords of Fun

A dentist who moonlights as a terrorist would have to be the scariest person alive.

- Paul De Lancey, First Lord of Fun
Please visit his drill-free website at www.lordsoffun.com

Politicians should vote as if they are in the same boat as us. Representatives and Senators voting for the Health Care Bill should drop their current coverage in favor of the one in the bill. Those voting against the bill should drop their current government-provided coverage and sign on with an insurance company.

- Paul De Lancey, First Lord of Fun
Please visit my funnier website at www.lordsoffun.com

As I zipped into e-mail I noticed the headline, “Connecticut Chimp To Sue State.” Wow! I didn’t know simians were that intelligent or greedy. Alas, a reread produced, “Connecticut Chimp Victim Seeks to Sue State.” Good, but not as good.

- Paul De Lancey, First Lord of Fun
Please visit my website at www.lordsoffun.com

True scenario. American Express double bills me so that checks bounce at BofA. BofA charges me $35 per check and another $35 for not fixing my checking account within five days. I get that notice on the sixth day. BofA is deemed too big to fail and gets billions in TARP. I lose in the stock market  in 2008 and get nothing. Outraged, I e-mail President Obama and my state senator and representative. The fees get rescinded. Coincidence?

I’d like some TARP billions, too. I’m too big to fail at my home.

- Paul De Lancey, First Lord of Fun
Please visit his website at www.lordsoffun.com

I took a test in a magazine to see if I would live to be 100. I consistently gave the wrong answer. Then I got stumped by the following question, “When did you have menopause?” More questions of that ilk followed. Guess I am not destined to be an old lady.

- Paul De Lancey, First Lord of Fun
Please visit my website at www.lordsoffun.com

I heard on the radio about an advance in agriculture that was sweeping the nation. It was called crop rotation. Isn’t that 4,000 years old?

- Paul De Lancey, First Lord of Fun
Please visit my website at www.lordsoffun.com

I had always thought I enjoyed Halloween because it was the only time when neighbors open their doors to everyone. But one of my sons said I like it because, “It releases my inner creepiness.”

- Paul De Lancey, First Lord of Fun
Please visit my website at www.lordsoffun.com

I shall be defending my poetry title in February at the Writers’ Conference in San Diego. My winning poem from last year was called “Regret” and was about penguins.

- Paul De Lancey, First Lord of Fun
Please visit my website at www.lordsoffun.com

Today, I had enough time to take a hot, relaxing bath. I had two choices of gels, yuan zhi and suma ginseng. I chose ginseng. What would you have done?

- Paul De Lancey, First Lord of Fun
Please visit my website at www.lordsoffun.com

Everybody knows by now, that two Northwest Airlines pilots  overshot their destination of Minneapolis by 150 miles and had to turn around. Question swirl around how the pilots managed to fly past their airport and why they were out of communication for over an hour.

I want to know if the passengers get the extra 300 miles flown as frequent flier miles.

- Paul De Lancey, First Lord of Fun
Please visit my website at www.lordsoffun.com